by Tiffany Vanderleer (Guesting for Cat Grant)
While ticket sales to the Gotham City Black & White Ball have already raised astronomically high funds for the Elizabeth Arkham Asylum's new wing, the most intriguing and controversial fund-raising technique of the evening will be the auction to "Win a Date" with our host, billionaire playboy philanthropist Bruce Wayne, CEO of Wayne Industries.
Yes, ladies, the impossibly wealthy, impossibly gorgeous Bruce is still available and still single - in spite of rumors linking his name to a series of amazing brunettes - all of whom will be guests at the ball: striking fitness expert and philanthropist Diana Prince; sultry magician Zatanna Zatara; and America's Sweetheart, Lois Lane, the young Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter from Metropolis' Daily Planet. Billionaire Bruce was also seen lunching out recently with Talia al Ghul, daughter of the elusive entrepreneur Raz al Ghul, currently on everyone's list of the top ten wealthiest men in the world.
Asked to comment on their relationship with Bruce Wayne, Miss al Ghul was politely elusive, but Miss Lane bristled in that cute way of hers and replied, "I've been busy covering human rights abuses in Russia. Why don't you get some REAL news to report on?"
Mr. Wayne was a little more forthcoming, admitting that he had indeed proposed marriage to Miss Lane, "but she turned me down." In fact, Lois seems to make a hobby of turning down billionaires. Third Party Presidential candidate Alexander ("Lex") Luthor - the sexiest bald man since Yul Brynner - is also rumored to have proposed to her.
Asked to comment, Mr. Luthor, CEO of LuthorCorp, would only admit that Miss Lane is "one of the loveliest and most talented women" he had ever met and joked that he would vote for her for President himself in the distant future, when she turns 35! Sorry, ladies, but Mr. Luthor, though making a staggering contribution to the Arkham Asylum building fund, sent Mr. Wayne his regrets, pleading "urgent business concerns" which will keep in Metropolis on the weekend of the party.
Of course, we shouldn't be surprised that lovely Lois makes a hobby of spurning billionaires: She's best known as "Superman's main squeeze," as the Master Criminal known as the Joker calls her, and her name has been linked to the Batman as well.
"How dare you mention the so-called Batman in the same SENTENCE with Superman?" feisty Lois exclaimed. "I have absolutely no use for vigilantes who take the law into their own hands."
Honestly, darlings, she said that with a straight face. Sounds like our star reporter's in love.
But today's biggest Society news story is the rumored engagement of Bruce Wayne to Miss Selena Kyle, the stunning blond ex-cat burglar formerly known as "Cat Woman." Miss Kyle, also famous for her activism on behalf of endangered feline species, seems to have finally scored her biggest environmental victory of all: Luring a much-hunted billionaire to the altar.
No, it's not official. Neither Mr. Wayne nor Miss Kyle was willing to comment on the rumors of their engagement, but two things are absolutely CERTAIN: (1) Selena WILL be Bruce's date and hostess for the Black & White Ball and (2) both the billionaire and his young ward Tim Drake have been seen riding with the blond beauty in vintage black Jaguar on several occasions. Sounds like they're already practicing at being a family!
So what's everyone wearing?
The always glamorous Judge Catherine Dent will be wearing a vintage black silk, diamond-trimmed 1930's evening gown and the Dent Diamonds. It's not surprising that "the Babe of the Bench" is rumored to have been young Bruce Wayne's "first crush" back when she was his Criminal Law Professor at Gotham U. "Oh, nonsense!" Her Honor was heard to say, "Hardly the first. Young Bruce was FAR more precocious than that." Judge Dent's office declined to comment on this rumor.
Her more famous, or should we say "notorious" nephew by marriage - former District Attorney Harvey Dent - declined to answer our calls but, as usual, will probably be the best-dressed man at the ball in one of his vintage suits. The half gorgeous, half disfigured Dent, more famous for his criminal life as the supervillain Two-Face before his cure, is currently planning a political comeback, running once again for District Attorney. Can a run for Congress be far behind?
Meanwhile, the question you're all dying to ask is "Who's Handsome Harve taking to the ball?" We thought it was going to be Dr. Pamela Isley, brilliant botanist and former eco-terrorist better known as "Poison Ivy," but Harvey was overheard to say, "Ivy? Well, I'm of two minds about Pam. Half the time I want to strangle her; the other half I want to run over her with a truck."
Pressed for a reply, the stunning redhead answered, "We used to date, but now that Harve is going straight and running for D.A. again, he hardly wants his name linked with a so-called eco-terrorist. No, he's gone back to that blue-blooded blond twit, Grace Whats-her-Name."
Clearly a reference to Harvey's former fiancée, the beautiful blond Grace Lamont, once the most popular debutante in Gotham. We're guessing that Grace will once again wear white silk to the ball.
"Yes, she probably will" said Pam Isley, "White somehow makes her look less insipid."
Will Pam be sporting the Poison Ivy look at the ball, you ask www.olders.ca? "Yes, I'll be wearing green - a green 40's evening gown, that is. But not the Poison Ivy outfit. It's so last year!."
Asked what she thinks of the many young girls copying her "Poison Ivy" look, Pam replied, "Well, I suppose if it makes them more environmentally conscious, it's a good thing. Still, that particular shade of green can be really unflattering to most complexions. It takes a genuine redhead to carry it off."
And the Catwoman look? Selena Kyle says she won't be wearing her signature ensemble: "It's hardly appropriate for a ball and, after all, I'm not planning a jewel heist there," quipped the toned and sexy blonde. "After all, I'm Bruce's hostess. But, as Pam would say, if the Catwoman uniform inspires the young women who wear it to greater environmental awareness, then I'm pleased and proud to see them wearing it."
I suppose black really IS the New Black.
As for the gentlemen....Billionaire Bruce and gorgeous Richard ("Dick") Grayson have scorned Armani to support Gotham City tailors. "The city needs our business," said Dick, "And we're honored to give it to them. We appreciate the quality work of our local artists!" Meanwhile, Bruce Wayne's new ward, 13 year old Tim Drake, has already started showing his sense of style by selecting a vintage tuxedo "in honor of Gotham City's past." "It was a bargain, too," said the precocious lad, already interning at Wayne Enterprise's IT Department.
Keep an eye on young Tim, ladies. In five years, he'll be an eligible bachelor, too!
And, speaking of currently eligible bachelors, the dashing Dick Grayson has recently moved into their ranks. The former star aerialist, brought up as Bruce Wayne's ward, has now come into his own fortune and become a business entrepreneur and philanthropist in his own right. At 25, he's already said to be worth a cool five million. While his name has been linked to both the ethereal Korry (Yep, that seems to be her legal name!), high-spirited Rachel Roth, and Gotham City's prettiest librarian, Barbara Gordon, Dick seems to be playing the field. No one knows which lucky girl will be his ball date.
Now sporting fair hair, he looks like a cross between Apollo and Flash Gordon. Add that to his growing fortune, ladies, and what's not to like?
Speaking of other eligible men...we've lost Jeremy Jacob. Astorbilt V, of course, to the beautiful Jessica Vanderleer (Congratulations, Sis!). The blue-blooded JJ's social media start-up, TwitFace is about to go public and the boyish scion of the ancient Astorbilt family is likely to become a multi-millionaire in his own right overnight. All that and cute as a button, too. J.J. somehow gets away with completely eccentric suits that would look garish on anyone less blue-blooded.
Meanwhile, the most serious political issue on our gentlemen readers' minds is bound to be "Who are this year's debutantes?" Fortunately, all the prettiest and most popular debutantes will be at the Black & White Ball: a virtual heavenly host of blondes - Karen Starr, bright young CEO of her own company Starr Enterprises; Donna Troi, a positive wonder girl, according to her friends; and Kara Kent from Kansas, cousin of Metropolis' most adorable geek, Daily Planet reporter Clark Kent. All the debs were being coy about what they plan to wear to the ball. I suppose we'll have to wait and see.
In complete contrast to her fellow debs is brunette spitfire Rachel Roth. When we asked the adorably outspoken Rachel about her designer, she replied, "I made my dress myself. You wanna make something of it?"
"No," I assured her, " I'm sure your gown will be lovely, but aren't you supposed to be at Gotham City High's junior prom on the night of the ball? And weren't you going to the prom with Garfield Logan?"
"I don't see how that's any of your @#$%& business," the raven-haired beauty replied."I mean...Gotham City's a cesspool of crime, need, and want and here you are destroying trees and wasting paper speculating on where I get my @#$%& clothes and who I'm @#$%&-ing?"
Quite the little ray of sunshine, isn't she?